Man Drives Drunk on Train Tracks

With gridlock more and more common in major urban centers, city planners have hung their hats on light rail as the way to get around, with dedicated lanes for trolleys so that passengers can be shuttled across the city unencumbered, at speeds that would rival It’s a Small World After All, Disneyland.

It’s never recommended though, especially if you’re half in the bag, to consider train tracks as a traffic-free shortcut home either on foot or behind the wheel.

In our book, The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery, a particularly controversial chapter was Contents May Shift in Transit: Drunk and on the Move, where we detailed some of the world’s most absurdly idiotic drinking and driving cases, including ice cream truck joyriding, some bozo with a pig in the backseat (of the animal variety), snowplows, a guy who mistakenly called the cops instead of roadside assistance when he got a flat, and now a gassed train tracks DUI.

Let’s just say that after chronicling these tales, not to mention wasted riding mower riders, a guy blotto doing 182 mph in an Italian convertible (a speed that would test the adhesive properties of any toupee) and blasted drivers who were legally blind, er drunk, it would take something fairly substantial to warrant entry into a second edition but we think we’ve got a standout now.

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